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For the last two years, each week I've been making a mini 'zine' journal. I dedicate the last page of each zine to the "wisdom of the week" — one or two quotes, insights or learnings that stuck with me. It's been a fun way to record meaningful moments that I want to remember. While many of these aren't groundbreaking, I'm finding that writing them down with the context does seem to help me recall them more easily. And, it makes it fun!
I like looking back on them from time to time as I did this week -- looking back on the last year. So, from my last 52 weeks here are 40 of my favorites (as I get ready to celebrate my 40th birthday this weekend!):
"Priorities escalate" - I loved this insight on managing time and priorities from a consultant I was working with. He explained how he was very firm in sticking to the priorities he set for himself each day and not getting too caught up in email fire drills. Why? If an important task emerges that truly needs his urgent his attention-- he knows it will find him, because... priorities escalate.
"Some years inhale" - For the 2023 gathering of the Junior League of Milwaukee past presidents, we were each asked to share a piece of advice that could be added to a book passed to the new president. While I didn't note the author - I loved this advice shared by one of our peers on the rhythm of life. A good reminder for leaders that not every year will have big announcements and activities-- but that those years are no less important.
"Leave your ego" - At the Tiffany Circle Summit in DC last fall-- Dominique Dawes of the 1996 US Gymnastics team's "Fab Five" fame repeated this theme in her remarks to our group. She had a fun way of laughing about how a gold medal doesn't mean you still don't have to do (as my sister says) - all the boring stuff.
Send the photo - While on vacation in Croatia, I sent a photo of a beautiful sunset to two friends because it reminded me of a trip we'd taken together. Not only was it a fun excuse to connect - in one of the coolest coincidences of my life-- I found out my friend Kat was also there. We were able to meet up days later when our trip itineraries aligned in Zagreb.
"It's easy to feel insecure" - A friend made this comment in passing, explaining how she sometimes felt uncomfortable to speak up in groups because of where she was from. For me, it was a reminder that leaders need to be very proactive in making team members feel included.
Don't rely on optimism, escalate early - When an important project I was working on got behind, I thought others would also prioritize it, not realizing how much else they had on their plates. In retrospect, I realized it would have been smoother, easier and less stressful for everyone if I had asked my leader to escalate it with peers much earlier in the process.
Lead with the big picture - I was inspired by a colleague's presentation encouraging us to take action together. While there were a lot of weeds and nuance the group could have gotten stuck in-- his opening and presentation put the group's focus on the big problem we needed to solve together.
Don't react to things you can't change - When I came home from Geneva last fall, my husband rolled up his sleeve to show me a new (what would be his first) tattoo. It was a strong choice. While I went on a journey in my mind about what we owe each other as partners, I didn't criticize it and I was relieved later in the week it was revealed to be a prank on me. A hilarious relief!
"Just document the process" - A friend who works in manufacturing explained his company isn't required to test the products it makes; the company just needs to document the process used in making them. It clicked for me that this is an activity and mindset that can have many other applications. Sometimes it's easier to just accept things as they are; just document the process.
"We wouldn't need project managers if there weren't egos" - I loved this offhanded comment one of my colleagues in our Project Management Office shared as we were working together on a change management initiative. She underscored how sometimes people will hold a project up simply because they don't like how it can affect them personally.
House cleaning meditation - A friend shared one of her meditation methods with me --to be fully present in what she is doing while she's cleaning. Given household chores are usually when my brain is thinking about a million other things-- I now enjoy trying to practice this.
"Trash takes itself out every single time" - I laughed reading this quote from an interview with Taylor Swift and appreciate the lesson here-- there's no sense in focusing on the wrongs others are doing. Trust that it will catch up.
Pay most attention to the goal that matters - I love playing Dr. Mario and recently my husband and I switched from the 'Classic' to the 'Score Attack' version of the game. After a few rounds, we realized the biggest factor for a winning score is how quickly you finish. A few seconds makes a big difference. When I play, I enjoy setting up combos, but these definitely take more time and so I've been losing more than I win. So many applications to this idea -- that when the game changes, you need to equip yourself with a new strategy. Even a great strategy won't always work. (Sadly, in this specific instance - I'm still working on adapting myself to the new rules of the game).
Keys to diplomacy - A colleague told me we have a tendency to overcomplicate diplomacy, that it's something everyone can contribute to. He boiled it down to three keys: 1) To convene, 2) To be seen 3) To provide quality information.
Defining 'agency' - I loved this definition shared by a friend, "Agency is the belief in yourself that no matter how unfairly someone treats you or how crazy your world is, you own your own future."
Flower care instructions - At an outing to see Little Women at the Milwaukee Rep Theater, Beth shares the different instructions for caring for violets and roses, in the play it's a metaphor what the different sisters need to grow and thrive. While it's easy to recognize in flowers, a good reminder that we need to think this way in humans.
"Connection is the opposite of addiction" - This touching insight shared by a survivor pointed out how addiction thrives in isolation and loneliness.
"I like it!" - From Samantha Irby's Quietly Hostile-- I loved her advice for the perfect response to anyone who makes you feel like you need to defend your taste. The enthusiastic ! is key. A corollary: Don't make people defend their taste.
The upside of turnover - While long tenure is generally looked at positively, I found it very insightful to hear a friend reflect about how turnover in an organization can make it easier to bring in new ideas or build/rebuild relationships. An organization made up of long-tenured people has a long memory, and that can make it difficult to forgive and move on when the situation requires it.
"What is the product?" - My manager gave me this feedback after I shared a presentation and it helped me realize to help people understand a proposal we were putting forward, we needed to get clearer about our offer.
Give your meetings fun titles - I love how a colleague always creates meeting invites with fun, inspirational titles. I learned from her that this can really help set the tone to help people connect with each other.
Don't wait on the details - I got a stern letter and a big fine for not cancelling my SBB half price farecard. In retrospect, I realized I hadn't leaned in early enough for some of the warnings when the consequences would not have been so severe. When you sense potential trouble, act.
Freedom - Connection continuum - I was fascinated by this personal observation from a friend who has done disaster relief in many different contexts. He said that he often found that when people have more resources, they aim to be more self reliant/free and become less connected to their community-- though as a result they often feel more impoverished. On the contrary, people with high levels of community connection don't feel as impoverished even when they objectively have far fewer resources.
Solve one problem at a time - I loved this simple insight from a colleague as we were talking about how to approach a complex challenge and how we weren't sure yet what problems might emerge in working to solve it. I love how this encapsulates that you can't make a perfect plan, you need to trust that you will solve as you go and build on your learnings.
"Fear of unlearning is the biggest barrier" - I was surprised to hear a leader share this was the biggest struggle for being able to make more progress.
Keep chocolate away from windows - I brought home a big chocolate Easter bunny from Switzerland for my nephew and kept it on my dining room table waiting to give it to him. I didn't realize the morning sun peeking over the blinds would have the power to melt it. It was a hilarious way to burn this lesson in my memory.
Nothing can prepare you for what you know will happen - We lost our dog Zig Zag this year and I'm still struck by how surprised and devastated I was-- even knowing she would succumb to kidney disease about a year after her diagnosis. Her quick descent was a blessing, but it didn't lessen the pain.
"Toothbrush problem" - I hadn't heard this phrase before and was very interested to hear a problem described this way-- "You can never brush your teeth well enough to never have to it again. You have to do it every day." A thoughtful model and reminder that many things in life are this way.
"Strongest Nicole" - So inspired by friend's mantra for aging-- to focus on getting to be the best physically, mentally and emotionally every day keeping in mind that time doesn't make it easier.
Bury the ghost - I reached out to a colleague that I had always felt a bit uneasy about the terms we ended on years after we had last spoken. It was nice to reconnect and brought me peace to have closure on this chapter that sometimes haunted me.
"Avoidance is a form of control" - I loved this insight from a friend about battling perfectionism.
"Being underestimated is a gift" - A friend shared how she had a tendency to be underestimated in her career -- for various reasons. She said she started to love it because it almost always helped her; her competition never saw her coming.
"You won't get anything in life if you're hoping for answers from an entity" - Problemista was an amazing movie I saw this year and I loved this quote from Tilda Swinton's over-the-top character. A good reminder that when you have a problem, connect with a person.
"Leadership requires holding on to two different realities: that you're uniquely qualified and also easily replaceable" - I'm not sure I'd ever thought of leadership this way until I heard this wisdom from a friend. I absolutely love the truth in it and the reminder to stay humble. We are all replaceable.
"If it's predictable, it's preventable" - A colleague shared this insight from one her mentors as we were discussing strategy-- it shifted our conversation.
Mental health & meditation makes a difference - It was fun watching Simone Biles come back stronger than ever at the Paris Olympics. Her performances showed that taking a step back can help you come back even stronger.
"Why aren't you ...?" - At my annual physical, my doctor asked me about my exercise routine and I admitted that I'd fallen out of a regular schedule. In response my doctor said, "Why aren't you exercising?" Her blunt phrasing caught me off guard and made me instantly appreciate none of the (I thought) valid excuses I would have used were relevant. The truest answer is that I had everything in my power to do it-- I hadn't been prioritizing it. This was not only a good reminder about the need to prioritize health, but I also appreciate how powerfully she phrased the question, to really cut to the heart of the matter.
"Nurture your sense of awe entering a space" - Kathleen Hanna shared this advice between songs at a Bikini Kill concert-- a great reminder to never take situations for granted.
Hum when you feel anxious - Just as I was on the last step to submit a proposal online, I hit a snag. Navigating through the issue (merging two PDF files, lol), I was struck remembering how awful it is to feel that level of stress. With help from my husband, we got it done -- still about an hour early. But still hours after it was resolved I felt anxious and uneasy. Recounting the story to a friend - she said humming, singing and laughing are some of the best ways to get rid of this anxious energy -- a piece of wisdom I will absolutely try at my next opportunity.
"Crazy is being right too soon" - A friend shared this insight for how she keeps pushing toward a change she knows is right even if others around her don't see it-- yet.
Photo reminders from some of the lessons this year: #27 - One of my favorite pictures of Zig Zag -- like me, surprised by the inevitable; #26 - Keeping chocolate out of light from the window; #4 - This was the photo that helped me unexpectedly reconnect with a friend and #13 - An example from my weekly journal of the 'Wisdom of the Week' -- how a game of Dr. Mario reminded me there is no perfect strategy, it needs to evolve with the situation.
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